With another whirlwind year whooshed away, I'm settling into the quiet darkness that accompanies the start of summer vacation. I sleep a lot and try to shake the stress. It's like sloshing water in a bathtub. Big swell, ebb, big swell, ebb. Except mostly there is not much ebb. Even my sleep is difficult. I … Continue reading welcome, summertime →

I’ve been in bed all day sleeping because I have neglected my body’s need for electrolytes for several days. Turns out you need those. I almost passed out twice in the last couple of days, and today my head was going to split open, but I took a hot shower and crashed for hours, instead. … Continue reading Update →

The woods are very loud at night. I never think about how many critters are outside until they start chirping after the sun goes down. Crickets, frogs, whatever else. So many. The sound is deafening. Like how the gazillion stars fill up the night sky. There have to be at least that many critters in … Continue reading dawn →

I never begin writing with a title in mind because rarely do I know what I am going to write about until sentence two. Or in this case, sentence four or five. Here's another for cadence. I survived the year and every curveball thrown at me, and I could not have asked for a better … Continue reading june 3, 2:29 am →

Someone asked me today what I would do if I didn’t teach. I’d be a musician, I said. Or a writer. I will tell you, Reader, the truth. I’d be a figure skater. What a thrill that would be, dancing on ice with the cold wind blowing over me. I’m pretty sure I’ve never been … Continue reading The Winner Takes It All →

It’s 11:30 pm, but it feels like time is on vacation somewhere. It can stay gone as long as it likes as far as I’m concerned. Today I checked off another book from the 100-books-to-read-before-I-die list. The Picture of Dorian Gray. I think this one is worthy of the list. I liked going through and … Continue reading Winter Break →

I have 18 self-created playlists on Spotify and many other playlists that I follow, but I find myself listening to my liked songs most of the time because I forget all the other playlists are there. I am quite tired of listening to the current liked songs, however (mostly). I'm writing this post to the … Continue reading procrastinating →

Friday after work I went to the liquor store, and three hours later I was toast. Today was even better. I had a productive morning after a fabulous night's sleep (thanks to rum), took an unruly dog for a walk in the warm sun, and watched Fast Times at Ridgemont High because no one was … Continue reading Hour One: YY-Zed and Other Surprises →

The thing I have always wanted to do seems so far from my capability now and even farther from ever becoming a reality. I wrote a thing, a little thing, an introduction to a book that will never be written. I wrote it in five minutes (give or take) for the purpose of having a … Continue reading a proper vent →

Living without the comforts that electricity affords has its benefits. The only good that came of having no air conditioning was that I didn't have to go outside to experience summer. What I mean is that when I spend all my time in the cool indoors during summer vacation, which lately I have tended to … Continue reading the sunny side →

I could start by telling how little sleep I've been getting and how high my anxiety has been, but that would be old news. More interesting is the hurricane that's about to hit —literally, though the metaphor fits. Beryl is the perfect name for a hurricane, don't you think? Beryl barreled through my neighborhood and … Continue reading A Storm’s A-Comin’ →

Dog and I watched the sideways rain blast by until it was time to sit in the dark on the cold tile floor of the downstairs half-bath and wait for the roof to fly off. It didn’t. And the door jam broke my toe, which is now taped to the one next to it. But … Continue reading Summer, week one. →

Did I do enough? Did I make things worse? Are they ready? I thought they were, but today they were second guessing themselves. They are exhausted. They have been taking AP tests for two solid weeks, and the very last one, the one this Friday afternoon, is physics. The. Very. Last. One. And today, they … Continue reading ANXIETY →

One of the things I dislike about my condition (and there are many things to dislike about my condition) is the certainty of judgment cast by those in the know, as innocent of intention they may be. Call it stigma, call it preconceptions or even experience that causes disenchantment. The mystery that could cast a … Continue reading Eyes on God →

Teachers all over America are running on fumes. Aside from being tired all the time, I’m not clawing my way to the finish as usual. I’m actually quite sad. I can remember one other year I felt this level of sadness. That was the year my most difficult students graduated. They were the ones I … Continue reading Letting Go →

This evening I got a call from a friend. Her son was admitted to the hospital, and she was waiting for word on his condition. As I waited with her over the phone, our conversation took many turns from serious to light to reminiscent. I have known her since she approached me in the library … Continue reading Enjoy The Silence →

I had a conversation this morning with an incredible woman who I didn't know was so incredible despite having known her a year and a half. That's what happens when you don't talk to people--you never learn how truly amazing they are. I am blown away, and I am inspired by the number of extraordinary … Continue reading a smackerel of honey →

I had a dream once that I fell asleep on the edge of a plateau that looked out over a canyon. The ground I lay on and all around me was deep red orange, and the sun shone through a deep blue sky. I was warm as I basked in the bright sun overhead, and … Continue reading Drenched →

Bipolar disorder is a gift sometimes. Depression is what I struggle with mostly, but sometimes an overwhelming feeling of passion overcomes me. If I'm lucky, the result is something written or drawn worth of holding onto. Today I drove down the road with my chest ablaze. I turned the music up loud to block out … Continue reading phantom →

Back in 2006-ish, I wrote the beginning of a book. A chapter. I can never seem to write more than a chapter of anything I write. Not true, but the words are crap after one chapter, so I generally refrain from writing beyond an introduction. I can write a hell of an intro and a … Continue reading I dreamed a dream →

I had a surge of well-being overtake me on Friday. That was God. He does that, you know. My oldest daughter’s family moved into a new home this weekend, and my husband and I went to Dallas to help out. Going from a small house to a large one makes for easy unpacking, but nothing … Continue reading Oh, The Places You’ll Go →

I wake up several times a night and generally go back to sleep within minutes. There is a bit of anxiety that I won’t, but I’ve been lucky. Not tonight, I’m afraid. I saw 2:58 when I tapped my watch. It’s now 3:39. Alarm goes off at 5. Morning comes early. I haven’t been functioning … Continue reading I feel fine, and I’m not awake at 3:45 am. →

The great thing about having a blog is being able to say whatever, however, and if someone reads it, great, and if not, great, but the words are in the world, not just your head, and on the page where you put them so you can look at them from a distance. Externalize them to … Continue reading Hey there →

And now it's bedtime the night after. I could go to bed, but I'm in that weird, loopy state when the words show up. I've been learning things and getting better at fooling people into thinking I know more stuff than I do. Maybe if my brain wasn't so clouded by exhaustion I could put … Continue reading I’ve been up since two am →

I wandered around the empty house today, bored, restless, anxious, and looking for something to entertain me. I sat in the sunny chair and glanced over the bookshelf. Touched the books. Picked one up, flipped through it, put it back. Gazed at the craft supplies. Walked back downstairs and wandered through the kitchen. Nothing there. … Continue reading Tick Tock … doot doo-doot doot doo →

Why is it that I can’t sleep when school starts back up? Anxiety, maybe. Constantly thinking about what I can do better this time around and all the things I need to do immediately to avoid getting behind, maybe. Yes, and yes, and yes. My mind spirals down a rabbit hole of past failures as … Continue reading Sleepless nights →

A desperate and inescapable loneliness has overcome me this morning. Last night I woke up so many times that it’s though I haven’t slept. With everyone gone for fishing tournaments or three-day drunken frolics on the seashore or living new lives with new babies, here I am at home listening to a dishwasher that a … Continue reading Atypical Saturday →

One often meets his destiny on the path he takes to avoid it. Master Oogway, Kung Fu Panda

Let’s leave the rants in the drafts pile.

I've been listening to a Spanish radio station and trying to not translate anything in my head. The longer I listen, the easier it is to distinguish one word from the next even when I don't know what the words mean. I'm discovering that I understand what the radio people are saying better when I … Continue reading locura →