In braille, perhaps?

How would you describe yourself to someone who can’t see you?

I saw a meme once. A man in an interview is asked by a group of people if he can perform under pressure. The man replies, “No, but I can try Bohemian Rhapsody.” In a similar meme, the man is asked how he would describe himself. The man replies, “Verbally, but I also prepared an interpretive dance.”

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I want to raise bees and chickens and grow a garden. I would have a room void of everything but helium balloons on the ceiling if the people I live with would allow it. I want to go back to school and learn all the things and become fluent in all the languages. I want to learn kung fu, but I’m good at pretending I already know it.

Perhaps I could prepare my descriptions in Esperanto to increase the probability that the person would be able to understand what I am saying.

I have a ukelele that I could play once, and I used an app to learn Latin. When I reached the level “I would like thirty cookies, please,” I was satisfied and moved on to painting rocks to leave along the trail near my house. The rocks are gone now.

I would describe myself as Helen of Troy painted in the cubistic style. This would possibly suffice if the person were simply not looking at me and had in fact seen a Picasso in color and read the Illiad.

I would prefer the person to be blind, however, having been born that way so that he or she would not miss having seen. Then I would have a long conversation with him or her, learning how he or she perceives the world. Then perhaps I could find the words to properly convey who I am. I would read to the person Ulysses by James Joyce.

But the truth is that I cannot be described. I am anonymous and only sometimes tell the truth.

Except for the kung fu. I’m pretty good at pretending I know kung fu.