I’ve been up since two am

And now it’s bedtime the night after. I could go to bed, but I’m in that weird, loopy state when the words show up.

I’ve been learning things and getting better at fooling people into thinking I know more stuff than I do. Maybe if my brain wasn’t so clouded by exhaustion I could put some truth behind the pretending. I think people would rather the people around them to know things. There is comfort in someone else having the burden of knowledge. There is envy in it, too. I’m not looking for either, I just don’t like to not know things. And I kinda like the facade. Until the pressure to prove myself arises, anyway. In any case, I’m trusted to do as I please. That alone makes the lie worth the fear of exposure.

I do a better job when left to my own devices. Maybe the powers that be have figured that out.

Boy, I’m tired.

The conundrum now is do I eat or do I go to bed? Bed, I think. I’m too tired to chew. But I’m also too tired to get up. If my fingers weren’t comfortably tapping these keys I’d be locked in a state of torpor. I’m sleep-writing. I’m Homer Simpson driving his bed-car off the road into a purpley night-night sky.

Eyes now closing. Delta waves are flooding my brain. I like those.