A Storm’s A-Comin’

I could start by telling how little sleep I’ve been getting and how high my anxiety has been, but that would be old news. More interesting is the hurricane that’s about to hit —literally, though the metaphor fits.

Beryl is the perfect name for a hurricane, don’t you think?

Beryl barreled through my neighborhood and took with it my air conditioning and refrigeration.

We will find out in 24 to 48 hours whether that statement is true.

. . .

I’m moving to East Texas. My husband got a new job there…a three-day turn-around from idea to reality. He starts tomorrow and will be all the way over there while I’m all the way over here finishing the new school year and getting the house ready to sell. This all came about shortly after breaking my toe. The change is a good one, though sudden. So sudden, in fact, that I’m kinda freaking out about it. I’ve been at a cabin for the last four days, and every night I have lain awake staring at the ceiling, mind racing, heart pounding.

Among the unknowns, such as where I’m going to live, is what I’m going to do for income once I move. Getting a teaching job is easy enough. Getting one I’d like is not. I consider these last couple of years to be the pinnacle of my career. I am grateful for being able to work where I do, and though I don’t want to give the job up, I hold onto the comfort that I got to do what I never thought I would have the opportunity to. I have learned more at this school about the content and how to teach in general than I have anywhere else. It’s amazing what I can do when nobody tells me what to do and how to do it. My students have been the cream of the crop, and I’ve pushed them to the breaking point, which has required me to do the same to myself. I am 100% a better person after only two years of an 18-year teaching career. I can take that with me anywhere I go, and maybe that will be enough to make me happy in my next job. But I’m thinking I might take a new route. Maybe. After all, I reached the top. Time for a new mountain to climb, I think. Maybe.

…

About a year ago I learned about a company that connects writers and editors to people who need them. The job doesn’t pay much, but I’ve been told that there are many companies out there just like it, and if I use all of them and get my name thrown around then I can make a decent living. I imagine it takes awhile to get noticed, but maybe I have time. If nothing else, being a ghostwriter will give me experience. I’ll learn a few things. Maybe publish something of my own one day. Who knows. The world seems like an empty canvas these days, and I never thought I’d feel that way again. On the one hand, an empty canvas is exciting. On the other, I’m not sleeping.

And my scores come out tomorrow. At the very worst, they will be lower than last year’s. No. The worst would be having lower scores AND being surpassed by another school. I know these scores are not about me. But, well, they are.

On the upside, my broken toe isn’t as broken as it was three weeks ago. And like a freak, I’m excited about the hurricane. I will miss those.