Tag: fear

Do, or do not, …

I’ve been watching movies. The past three nights I have watched the first 5 episodes of Star Wars. I’ve never seen them back-to-back before. The series is outstanding when watched in order. Even better having watched a bit of The Mandalorian beforehand.

I watched Jaws last Saturday night. I always get wrapped up in Quint’s story about his experience on the USS Indianapolis. He gives me chills when he tells it. And every time I wonder whether the fate of those sailors was punishment. I heard once that Oppenheimer felt great regret for his involvement in the making of the bomb. I wonder whether Feynman did, too. I really like him. He saw the world as a beautiful and wondrous place. How could he not?

No sense wondering whether the evils that combat evil are justified. Maybe Spock was right. You know, “The needs of the many,…”

I have read about the tunnels in Japan. My brother saw them. He felt the evil living in them, and he was terrified.

I don’t like to think about such things. I’m not qualified. I’m more of a Yoda fan.

“Train yourself to let of go of everything you fear to lose.” That’s my favorite Yoda quote.

He told that to someone powerful who felt too much. The man’s fear turned to hate, just as Yoda said it would, and that man’s fear destroyed his very soul.

Fighting fire with fire is a response to fear, is it not?

This is too much to dwell on on a Tuesday night before bed.

Fraud

Today is the last day of the year and the thousandth of previous ones just like it. Ah but this one is different! Today I don’t feel the slow release of poison from my pores. Pent-up stress does not have its grip on me today, which is odd considering I just finished what should have been the most stressful year thus far. This year was certainly the scariest.

I told a student today to stop running from what he is scared of. To be better. Hours later, I realized that I was talking to myself. Not literally, of course. The boy had been there, and I had told him those words. I asked him before he walked out what he is going to do. He replied, “Don’t run from things that scare me.” I added, “And be better.” He left, and I heard those words again hours later when I thought of how I absolutely did not want to continue on this path I’m on. “Don’t run from things that scare you. Be better.”

I don’t have the confidence to realize my potential. I don’t have all the answers and often don’t have the background knowledge necessary to come up with them. I’m afraid of revealing my incompetence. I want to press forward but not at the expense of my dignity.

Don’t run from things that scare you. Be better.

Don’t run from things that scare you. Be better.

I am my own terrified student. If my students knew this about me, they wouldn’t chase after the scary things that I convince them they can achieve. If I have not conquered the scary stuff, myself, how can I lead those who are afraid?

Maximus Meridius, you were scared, too, weren’t you?

Atticus Finch, you aren’t as smart as you seem, are you?

Atticus Meridius is my name. But not really. Not really.

“Reality is the construct of others who can’t function in the absence of boundaries.” I just heard a character on TV say that, written no doubt by someone who lives in fear.

My name is Atticus Meridius, and I am gripped by my incompetence.

Her name is Atticus Meridius, and she is fearless.