a temporary post for a temporary rage that i blame mostly on too much caffeine

I don’t like putting myself into the machine for the underworld to dissect and file away. I feel a false sense of security here, but the very thin veil of anonymity is enough for me expose the not-so-scandalous parts of my life. This disclaimer is for me, not you. I’m trying to make myself feel better about what I say in this space. And honestly, I’ve said some pretty brave things. Braver than this. Honestly, this is nothing compared to the rage inside me. So I don’t know why I even feel the need for the disclaimer at all.

I feel reduced to a character flaw. I’m not feeling sorry for myself by any means. I just don’t feel the superpower that I am, and I need to. I need my calm. I need my confidence. I quietly carry around with me those things that collectively make me a phenomenal person. I am not self centered or full of myself, and I don’t care whether people know about those talents and the stripes I have earned. I care that I feel them within myself. They give me strength, and right now I feel vulnerable.

People around me are complaining about being required by law to do certain things for which someone is holding them accountable. Some say they don’t agree with how they are being talked to, but they don’t recall the countless soft-talks they’ve had and the build-up to what has become a much bigger problem for themselves and for the people whose jobs require keeping a school afloat. No one is being oppressed. No one is being condemned. But boy, will all those someones say differently. Some (or all, honestly) don’t see the “need” to do what they are required to and therefore reject the rationality of the consequences they face. They complain that they are being held to an “unreasonable” standard. I detest the arrogance and lack of self-respect. I get they don’t like the accountability, but what happened to owning the rebellion? Fighting for one’s right to disregard the rules has been replaced by the young generations with whining. Punk rock is dead. The world has gone soft, or at least the teenagers have.

Breaking the law is not a right, and I don’t condone anarchy, but OWN YOUR FUCKING DECISION.

And now my mind wanders to the chaos in the world. How I wish there were none, but then, without revolution, there would be no change, and nature requires that there must always be change. Chaos in the universe will naturally grow until all goes quiet. Heat death, they call it.

I hate politics. I hate social commentary. I am not an activist. I am not punk rock. But I do own my decisions. And I absolutely despise the whining. Grow the fuck up.